Spliff

Take some air with it, full your mouth, smell it, feel it... and now just let it go. Life is full of time, until we die, and lots of people go around our story, our little fary tale. Some people are born in suck places, other dont, other are into drugs and partying, others about thoughts and love, thats me i guess. And ive been into other places, other moods, other cultures, all of them have something good and something bad, but finally always im back to my place, because at the end, this is who I am, sweet girl who believes in the impossible and keep fighting for it having such bad days as passing 24 hours inside bed or 7 days inside her room, just creating shit that people will never know. Im not that cold person that someone believes I am, all that druggy and partyin crazy girl, or that one inside uni smilin every day, no problems, no troubles, all will be cool. Thats not me anymore. And yes, I am good acceptin myself but sometimes i would like to be other person, or go back to the past and dont do some shit I did. Anyway, here I am now, I have three tattoos and two of them I would like to remove or change, but all of them have an history and a name, places, cities, moments, persons... all over my skin for the rest of my life... If I have alzheimer i dont know what they could mean then... Nasty girl sometimes, naughty as hell as well, fatty or anorexic, psyco ans schyzo, smart and intelligent, jelaous or i dont give a shit... I have days basically, hours normally... Lets go to a restaurant and then out lets get drunk or high or both... thats love about, let me tell you that girl wants your dirty dick and you will ignore me honey! Yes, jez, we all know it, we all girls, crazy and damn woman, hormones, menstruation, pregnacy, carin... okay, I would rather prefer some shit inside my legs and I could be free and intelligent and go far and high because I am so intelectual that I just need beers and money. So yes its a friday night and Im inside my room like a good writer but not that good tho, my parents are talkin low and I just wish I had my own apartment with my own room, some candles, good smell and maybe some weed there... just to think and feeling more fcked that I am right now. im addicted to too many whings, but my first problem is love, knowledgement and then music... I love to learn new things because of loving someone new and gettin involve... that my way of growing up little by little and slowly killing myself, about my soul, none owns it, neither I do, it goes and comes as she, yea SHE feels...

missud

and guess what, and guess who... its not you. Lately around my world are happening sad moments. One bike accident, while someone was feeling free, flying, happy goin back home. Life broken, in just one second, and couldnt say goodbye, all the plans made, all the money saved, all the dreams gone, in one, in zero. People who think you are happy, you are more than good, you have all solved, you are so friendly and social, you have everything and you are in that amazing mood. But inside, there are all that bad feelings, its no me, was he, you write all those letters that the policeman found after your sister did... you didnt expect her, you didnt know you were goin to mess up all her life for the rest of her time. You were so selfish that you just wanted to fuck yourself, didnt think abaout the rest, no family? no friends? no love? Love is not only when you have your gf or bf, its always around from the day you were borned. Dad leaving his son because he thought it was the best, selfish, damn selfish, and son fucked of for all his time, I met him, and he is trying to fly everyday but he doesnt know how to do it without drugs. And you inside your brain all planned, you took all the stuff to make it good, to make it sweet, nothing to clean, a good sleep, a sweet dream and all is done, all finished, all that pain that you were feelin inside yourself without sharing, thats the worst. And you dont know who could be behind you, waiting for you to go back. Ive realized this days that happiest persons, best persons are the one who are good with themselves and they dont depend of none, tho they can share their lives with one love, but it doesnt make any difference, they are good and accepted, so I am now, you have decided to keep me apart, I wont say I dont think on you every day, I dont miss you, I dont want to talk you every second, but I need to respect you, Ive tried and more than that, Ive gone to see you, you looked at my eyes, and told me not to want anything with me, so for me it was more than enough to understand you have to be apart of me even when I need you a lot... But Ive learned long ago to be strong and even when feeling alone, dont give a shit, feelings are moments, they are coming and going all the time, I will be fine at some point. So that is.

boys, in general, they

I was the kind of girl tired of having fake boyfriends who always have hurted me and broken my life. I say I was because I mean now I am, after... one month ago? Anyway, there are too many differents kind of boys as differents kind of girls, of couse girls know what kind of girl is the other quickly, as boys know what kind of guy is other in a first look. In fact one day one of my best friends told me, that guy is a shit one! I didnt want to listen him so I became her gf, after more than one year of my life wasted and given to that person, voila! he fcked all my routine and my brain, cool and sad, friends are good, ppl who you just are meeting are not such good, be careful of yourself and dont trust in anybody. But, how can I know what kind of guy is the one who I like, the one who I fall in love, the one who blinded me? Its so complicated, but after 24 years of falling with the same shitty stone I have decided to open my eyes and judge them before anything could happen, no more blidness, no more unecesary pain. There is the guy that is a dick sometimes, but other times is so amazing and good, so is it only with you or is like that with everyone? And then you realize that he is a dick with his friends (boy gender) but so friendly and sweet with his friends (girl gender). I call it the lost and confused boy, too young to know what he is, where he is, where is going to and what he wants. For this kind of people you can wait and see what happen, wasting your time, or you can just keep going, keep him as a friend, and let him to figure out who the heck is he! Other kind of boy is the loneliness, this is a complicated guy, well mostly all of them are, he wants to keep you from time to time, maybe once per month. He is gonna be kinda of amazing and sweet with you that day, like if he was your boyfriend, yea, one day per month and always while other people dont know about it. And of course, be always ready for the day he finds his true love out of there!! You have two options again, enjoy once per month that day and dont think about it and how sad it seems to be tbh oooor let it go and dont fall in his arms the next time, if he talks dont answer, just run away! I dont know whats better, I mean, find other guy better!! Third one!! Funy guy, friendly, party boy who you met long ago and you had kind of something a couple of days and then you both took different paths but months later he asked you to travel together around but you moved on and you have a new job so you cant have fun as much as he does. So he finds other girl for that crazy summer, of course she falls in love for him and you can see it on she, but, what about he tho? Summer is gone, he goes back to the routine and his life just sucks, you talk to him, 'hey how was summer?' expecting him to tell you about this girl and say, -yea found the love of my life- yea I have girlfriend now so cant talk a lot with you-... and he just says, 'all this end has been good'. Yes all this END, and you are like... Im confused, sorry? I can see literally the girl loading and taging pics of both together, hearts around... Im missing something, maybe? Nvm. After talking with him he tells me 'he is lost and doesnt know even about getting a new job nowhere, nowhen'... Best thing for this, yea, 'clean your mind and let me know if you want something', I might not be free by then tho. Of course we all girls know the ex boyfriend, there are lots of kind of ex bfs, the one you dont talk anymore, the one you dont know about anymore, the one who is a dick because cheated on you and he didnt want to admit it (this one really sucks!) the one who you had accidents with after you broke up... this is a long list I guess. Defo ex bfs are not good, you can try to have them as friends, yea and his friends would be a really weird type of ''friends'' for you... and his new gf... she is gonna hate you for the rest of her life with huge reasons!!! Oh bitch you tried him before her and you decided he is not enough for you! So now yes, you are right, I couldnt find YET the right boy for me and Im swimming aloneeeee and without a cat YET again by my side. I dont mind tho, Im good, atm, give me one year more, I might finish kind of crazy. Now going to talk to myself, is that good? dont think so. None is gonna read it anyway, its on english, im spanish huh! Is been a looong write! Is love real? Probably yes, but we need to learn to understand what is love into the reality of the social life. Someone told me that sometimes Im sad because I have other expectatives that reality offers to me, he is right, he is one of this kind of guys tho, one to stay away for a while... So yes, expectatives make people sad and unhappy, expectatives arent friends of a smile in your face, simply dont expect a shit of none, thats the best advice! xoxo. They say that ppl who are smarter write bad because they think too fast that they cant stop to correct what they are writing, too many ideas bro. Thats me with this one.